Oohh This is an S.O.S. Don't wanna second guess, This is the bottom line It's true I gave my all for you, Now my heart's in two And I can't find the other half It's like I'm walking on broken glass, Better believe I bled It's a call I'll never get
i'm lying in bed. and my thoughts start running and i start talking to myself, imagining that i'm talking to other people. and before you know it, an hour has passed by. it's one in the morning and i have to get up at four. SCREWED.
i can't remember what i was thinking about last night. ugh. i spent 2 hours just talking to myself about stuff i really cared about and now i cant even remember what they are..
anyway, i've decided that i'm not going to think about silly love dreams. because i have a much bigger desire to go to johns hopkins. oh.. i want it SO BAD. SUPER BAAHD! and unfortunately i'm not much of a genius and cant balance a love life and studies at the same time.. so sorry love fantasy.. not like anyone here would know how to fulfill you anyway.
agh.. its bugging me.. what was i thinking about last night? oh yeah!.. here was one short thought. i was thinking about the student exchange program and do you know how great it would be if melissa jie is one next year! it would so amazingly great! i'd be over the moon happy! i can just imagine us doing everything together! and i'd force her to do tennis with me! well not force but just persuade her a lot alot! you know how if you spend too much time with someone, you get sick of them.. but you see, with my jie and i, its not like that at all. we're dying to just do things together. and we'd never be sick of each other. its family. can't be sick of your family.
well, yeah you can, but still.. she's my family. oh i wish that dream would come true..
oh and now i remember what it was i truly thinking about for more than an hour. the way i feel about the world. i realized that it doesnt appear as i feel it to be. it's disappointing. well when i graduate and go to.. john hopkins... i dont care, i am getting in there no matter what. anyway, when i get in, i'm expecting my life to feel really good and well i guess you could describe it as smooth jazzy feeling and then last night i thought.. but what if i end up being disappointed? like, instead of giving a jazzy feeling, any jazz, it gives me something that lets me down.. like, monotoned, or non-syncopated, non-rhythmed feeling. you know what i mean?
that exact point of why i wish life was a musical. because i could, burst into spontaneous song and dance anytime i wanted! and i'd always be in tune because it would be so musical-esque!
i love jazz and the feeling it gives me is just so good. so obviously i want my life to feel jazzy. and well, right now.. doesnt really feel like it. ugh. stupid school.. all those druggies. not jazzy man. not jazzy.
