OK. change of thought process. this time, comparing noah's ark ad gilgamesh and the ovid version and other versions and discuss why noah's ark is so believable and why it is accepted by christians. so much easier. you have no idea how much. still. ok. i'm good.
/Hopped! 2:17 AM
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yawn/thought processing /
i really don't know where i'm going with my paper. so far, what i've got, is a a very summerized summerization of the flood story from gilgamesh and noah's ark. it's terrible. ugh. i don't know what to write about.. you know? ugh. my mind is on freeze. i'm so off schedule. should i just sleep for four hours? or am i being tempted. agh. i used to be able to stay up all night long. i just don't have the motivation right now. what happened to me? i don't like this. here's a paragraph of ranting. if i could only type like this on my research paper. i hate this. so much. good night. i need to organize my thoughts.. with some sleep.
i really don't know where i'm going with this. i'm half asleep. can't think very clearly. whatelse? after summerizing stories, what do i plan to do? compare right? what am i comparing? i'm so out of focus. i am comparing.. comparing.. comparing how.. gilgamesh is alike to noah's ark.. yes! and.. annndd.. which is the true version? i know the bible(i just typed people instead of bible zzz..) is the true version, but, i'll pretend like i don't know and just research i guess.
i just need to read some stuff.. but i'm pretty much too tired to do reading. well, it's more of get quotes to put in my paper and etc. ok. i have it planned out. i need sleep. good night.
/Hopped! 1:56 AM
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i hate not being able to choose / Monday, October 26, 2009
i love this song so much.
right now i'm looking things up for my english research paper. i've figured at last, with more concrete ideas of what i'm going to write about.. parallels of the great flood in noah's ark and the one in gilgamesh. yep
okay, that's what i was doing an hour and a half ago. (it's 1.10 am right now). what did i do during that period? i got distracted by searching for SMDEP stuff. i was trying to remember what the program was called and then i was deciding and "ooh"ing and "ah"ing at what college to do it at. UVA vs. Yale vs. UT. the last one is more of because masha's from texas and she would like me to hang out in houston with her at some point.
yea. and 5 minutes ago i got distracted by UVM rescue. i'd like to volunteer. and then get some training. i'm trying to see if it's legit EMT training, because then i can actually work as an EMT, especially over the summer when i have no workstudy for labs. eugh. i like my job. i don't know how much my job/people at my job like me, but i like my job. it's alright you know. it's not the funnest thing ever, but i learn stuff, every so often. like.. how to make gel and i can wean mice! and lotsa other lab stuff. it makes me think of bones, so much, except no crime solving stuff. sad.
i hope people at my work like me (i say naively). i mean, i just hope i'm not a nuisance. today i pretty much screwed up because i ran the gel for too long and the results weren't very good. also, i feel so awkward, socially, in the lab. so.. inexperienced. well duh, i am, but.. sigh. i don't know how to explain it. other than that though, i like my job. i just wish i wasn't so awkward.
ok. i need to spend tthe next 10 minutes looking up for something for my research paper and then GO TO BED. mmhmm.
goodnight(/morning).
/Hopped! 11:49 PM
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so i was thinking / Sunday, October 25, 2009
what if i changed my major to physics. i don't know the most about physics, but it's an interesting subject. i wanna say i felt more focus when i studied it, but i can't say it with 100% confidence. i don't know. i mean, what the real reason why i want to major in neuroscience? because i believe it's a cool major that will make me stand out in my med school app (which now i worry that i just might not make it). because there's this coolness factor in the idea of being a neurosurgeon and even in being a missionary doctor with credentials of brain surgery. you know? i don't know how many people in this world are in need of brain surgery? i know i could do therapy work while being a missionary doctor, but i don't know.
i basically want to be a surgeon, because i like to cut things. like my hair for instance. i have this need to snip it every so often, myself, not going to a hair dresser. so it doesn't really matter to me, at heart, if i do become a brain surgeon. all that matter is that i become a surgeon. i also have this attatchment to physics. i haven't read any physics text lately, but in chem, we're studying wavelengths and i can't help but think of physics. or when i'm walking and i feel like i'm going to slip and fall, i can't help but think of the physics to prevent me from falling? you know what i mean? i don't know.
maybe i should become a physicist. but i don't want to stray away from my neuroscience major. basically, i don't want to change the status quo. but i need to. because this isn't working out. i don't know. i have some time to figure this out i guess.
ok. it's really late. almost 3 in the morning. goodnight.
/Hopped! 2:47 AM
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super trooper /
look here! i've found a blog about improving studies! it gives pretty advice for test taking, studying and organization. mmhmm.
http://calnewport.com/blog/
so.. i haven't been doing anything with my research paper. i have ideas, just no focus or interest in them.
i want to say something about confidence, but it's not coming out the way i planned it in my head. i'll get back to it at some point.
cheerio!
/Hopped! 1:34 AM
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just this / Friday, October 23, 2009
i have just this to say
CONFIDENCE
that's all. i'm sleepy. good night.
/Hopped! 12:51 AM
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whirly who / Wednesday, October 21, 2009
priorities. i don't have any. well i do. i've just lost them. what's the most important class.. where i need to use my brain the most? let me see:
1. Chem 2. Psych 3. French 4. Calc 5.English
ok. and my to-do list:
1. French exam on Au Revoir Les Enfants on Friday 2. Psych writing assignments 3. English research paper by Tuesday 4. Chem review questions 5. Calc course compass
ok. well, it's not as bad as what natalie has to do.. but i'm not gloating! i'd never. i don't know how she does it. she's like a superwoman. though i can tell she's really really stressed out. insomnia. hate.
no tv shows for the next couple of days. sorry glee! ):
gtg get lunch.
cheerio!
/Hopped! 12:12 PM
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brand new eyes / Sunday, October 18, 2009
on a more serious note, not like failing is a serious thing. it is. but.. hmm. how do i say this. (this was written minutes after i wrote my previous post. in case this isn't making sense.)
you know that vulnerable feeling you get when you let your guard down and you let everything out. well. i haven't really been doing that here. all the things here are true, but it's been a long time since i've wrote something deep. and i'm starting to find that i might be losing it. i don't know if that makes any sense. it's not even the feeling of something deep i'm talking about. it's like the feeling of.. just letting the world in. but basically, everything i say here, for the most part has been.. just things of the surface.
and it has a good purpose. mine.. has no purpose. just sharing my life.. on just the surface. well, i guess this blog first started to share what i've been up to. and i started blogging because... i wanted to be like that famous singaporean blogger. what's her name? xin something. i wanted to get popular enough to get sponsors and get free stuff!
i was young. and i still am.
this blog's new focus: discovering my place in this world. i've always believed that i have a focus for my life. but i'm starting to lose it. i don't know if i really had one to begin with. but that's what the new focus is.
cheerio!
/Hopped! 7:16 PM
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AGHHH /
i don't know. i'm just worried. that i'm going to fail. i know. i have to stop watching tv shows! must stop. now.
i hate this. so... unexplainable.
PSYCH TIME.
FOCUS.
cheerio.
/Hopped! 7:08 PM
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woot! / Saturday, October 17, 2009
Hello! This is my first post writing from my new tablet! and... this is my first typing on my new tablet!
it's muchfaster to type so i'm going to continue this typing.
okie dokie.
when was the last time i posted? oh i don't know. probably a month ago. i don't know why it has taken me so long. but here i am! a lot has happened since the last time i posted something. like... I GOT A JOB. like a real legit job. uh huh. at a lab! i love it. for the most part.
well.. i'm extremely awkward, so the whole thing is just awkward for me. especially because i have no experience. so this is good. i just hope i don't end up being the annoying.
hmm. chem. i don't really want to talk about it, but i guess i need the therapy. -sigh- i've two exams in my course so far and.. i did awful for both of them. 59 and then 64.5. ugh. it's stressing me out because i don't want to end up getting a D, or even a C in that class.. or any class for that matter. in the beginning i didn't even want a B. now i'm going to be very happy, getting a B. chemistry isn't all that hard to understand, but for reason that class makes me want to shoot myself. it's terrible.
moving on to a more cheery subject, i had a midterm i had a midterm for world lit on thursday and i hardly read any of the books we were supposed to read in that class. and i wouldn't be surprised if i got a B. (:
so... i'm doing my psych homework right now.. kinda. yea.
