i sit here on this chair completely lost in thought.
oh man. what happened to those days when i loved doing this? when i couldn't live without all this. everything seems so far away and i hate this feeling of depression. i really wish for it to all go away. i really wish i was that "perfect girl, in the perfect neighbour hood".. haha. ally's video was hilarious.
i'm so tired. and exhausted. mentally. i'm physically fine. but my mind seems to have a turn for the worse. it wants to die?? no! i refuse.
i had a pretty exciting weekend. you wanna know what happened? well, on friday, i almost died. i hanged out with ally, angela, jon and shelby and we rented young frankenstein and watched it in the cold, empty church, in the dark. and then we watched some bunny animated films that were 30 second clips of real films, like star wars, pirates, bond, raiders of the lost ark, snakes on the plane and many more! whoo! when we were finally tired of freezing our buts off, we decided to go to get some food!.. at wendy's! since they sell chili!.. which none of us ended up getting. but anyway, we order our food and sit down to enjoy our meal and laughter together.
before you know, jon does something so hilarious, well not very actually, that i start laughing as i eat a chicken nugget, which ends up falling down my wind pipe and i'm left gasping for air "i cant breathe!"
so i almost died that day, if jon had not done the heimlich manuever, which was embarrassing. oh man. and then the five of us sat there in awkwardly intense silence.. when rachel madore called!
sunday was pretty exciting too! there was the marching band banquet! and i probably spent three hours on some vegetable dish that no one ended up eatting.. because i dont know. i also dont know whether or not anyone eat it, but let's just assume no one did.
anyway, there was alot of mac and cheese and pasta and such. and whoo! i love banquets! its like free food! and whoo! awards!.. even though i just got a senior plaque! but heck! i'm a senior! whoo! college applications! and essays that i freaking owe mr furbush!
i'm going to die in that class. and that class is going to kill my gpa. and colleges are all probably going to reject me..
you see! this is what i mean. where did everything all go? i used to be so optimistic. and now i'm sitting here in dismay and weariness.
my precious mind is melting away before my very eyes and should be able to do something about it, but i cant seem to budge. what evil is holding such a tight grip on me. let me go!
i pretty much suck at cite reading. hah. i knew that long ago.
i'm sorry for such an emo post. i told myself i would never be so and here i am.
on some other news...
today, a half day, the school experienced a fantastic time of chaos, the wonderful gift of blackouts and flickering lights and computers. whoo!
i was in calc and meg spotted some blue flash off in the distance and flicker went the lights and before you know it, it was all darkness, except for some light that shown through the clouds and the windows.
the school ended up letting us out an hour earlier than the not so average half day and joy spread throughout the halls! and i went over to allys because i left my house key at home. and we created a short animated film!.. in one and a half hours! whoo!
well far from the depressing world of ap lit, LOVE ACTUALLY IS PLAYING ON BRAVO ON FRIDAY! woot!
tata now... hah. that was so short. yeah. pretty much the only thing going on in my mind.
alright. you know what? i'm going to stop denying this growing hatred for writing and just scream it out onto your blank face you stupid piece of paper... I HATE WRITING.. which makes me blogging so hypocritcal doesnt it? well you know what? i like blogging about random crap shoot nonsense.
oh my goodness. all this showcases my insanity. complete insanity. no good. no good. grr. roar. rawr. grawl. growl. hoot hoot. shouts the owl.
therapy! *cough*
cheerio!
/Hopped! 6:19 PM
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here i go again on my own /
i cannot think. i cannot think... why cant i think??
what the freakin hell is taking me so long to write a paper. i'm gonna fail college like this. this is horrible. and i need to stop complaining because its all going downhill, worse than nowhere.
ugh.. i dont know. it feels so.. everything. you know. strangling. i feel strangled.. like i'm being hanged and i'm gasping for air. this is no emo post at all! i dont want to die.. which is the opposite of emo.. hah. but my nickname is emo. but this is going off topic. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY. i refuse to believe that i'm turning into an airhead. what the heck. nononononononoNO!
well the thing is.. its just that critique essay. it just doesnt make sense at all. why call it a critique essay if its going to end up talking about something else 5 million miles off topic?? huh?? how can it not be so when he wants an idea that was not from the movie??? what does he mean exactly when he calls it critique? pshh! its not even critique at all! its more like a.... i dont know what you'd call.. thesis paper? no.
i need to stop. because i'm really fustrated. and i dont enjoy losing my faith. cheerio!
/Hopped! 5:18 PM
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gridlocked / Tuesday, November 11, 2008
i wonder if its wrong that i just start typing straight away without focus. none at all. point blank stare at the screen and yak on and on about who knows what. that's exactly what i'm doing right now with that damn critique assignment.. and i guess with my college essay as well. seriously. i dont know where i'm going with all this. confused is exactly what i am. i really dont know what exactly i want to tel colleges about me. oh man. please dont see this like i'm not prepared for college.
i am so ready for college! i cant wait to put myself out there! oh my goodness. what am i going to do?? freaking out again. breathe.
today is veterans day and that also means, veterans day parade! whoo! marching and then waiting for some old doods to stop talking so that you can go on a warm bus and head home where you prepare for an awesome french class that you wish would follow the normal assignment of holidays AND NOT HAVE TO BE THERE.
well, french class wasnt all too terribly. it was actually pretty darn good. just that i had trouble crawling myself out of bed to discuss ideas for my french oral on thursday with hannah.. miles away, across a bridge that replaced a million dollar bridge, and whoo! now we know what we're going to say. i must sound sarcastic, but i am happy that we had a productive discussion.
i'm really sad though, that i'm no longer going to play indiana jones with the awesome marchingband. and no more drills and sigh... this season felt so so so so so so so so so so oh so very short. its all those rainy days and bloody sats and acts and college prep stuff that i just wish would all go away POOF! and everything is done and i can go to college. no, i understand. maybe.
my brain...
its gridlocked? jammed. i'm just blabbering away now. and cheerio! i'm jogging tomorrow
/Hopped! 8:02 PM
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i clearly remember more than this / Monday, November 10, 2008
i need to stop complaining and just write something. but.. nevermind
jazz band started today! whoo! the hundreds of trombones have transformed into the millions of saxophones. woah! yeah. maybe we'll get more melody than the trumpets do this year! i really really really really hope we'll done tons more better this year than last year.
essay? what essay? ah yes. i watched the changling on saturday. it was.. long. it was pretty good. real dramatic.. the beginning was ultra boring. but there were some moments that had me off the the edge of my seat. and there were some parts where i felt like walking out and far far away because i couldnt get any sense of the situation going anywhere. i often got tired of hearing angelina jolie screaming.. "HE IS NOT MY SON!!" and then dun dun dun! surprise! the murder of 20 or more juveniles!
that woman next to me kept kept gasping like she was watching some sort of horror movie and kept freaking me out! like relax lady! relax!
i'm serious. i dont mean to complain, but i really dont know how to start! i dont know how to edit my college essay either. i feel like i should throw away what i've written.. yet no. you know what i mean? i dont think so. how should i put this.. i'm too lazy...? yeah. i deny any such idea.
cheerio! sudoku it is then!
/Hopped! 8:36 PM
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what now / Thursday, November 06, 2008
how should i edit my college essay? whatelse should i write. is what i'm writing even appropraite?? ugh. so confused.. moer like unsure, but still it all seems the same. i am freaking out! dood. what if all colleges reject me because i dont know... i didnt apply to the right ones. i'm scared i might be aiming too high, but yet, i know i dont want to go to some crap-o-la lala place where all they do is get high and drunk *cough* thomas *cough*
so it has to be all about me right? but.. oh.. i dont know how to put it into words.. into a lovely melody with beautiful inticing language. what the hell is wrong with me.
i just need to stop it. okay. so ideas of what i want to write.. but then again its more like what i'm focusing on telling the colleges right? so alright. what do i want to tell these admissions?
i'm ambitious, dream big. i'm determined, i take up as much work as i possibly can. i love what i do.. like really, truly do. so what experience would sum up all these things about me.
okay. on a lighter note, i called my brother yesterday. lovely, wonderful conversation with him.
my mind is in way too much of a #$I_I Q{FEAFLJ to say anything. cheerio!
/Hopped! 11:45 AM
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sing us a song, you're the piano man / Sunday, November 02, 2008
dood.. i really feel like watcing love actually right now.. but i cant find it on youtube!
alright. i've wasted an hour on this computer. an hour that could have been better spent doing something much more efficient than facebook.. college essaying! right.
i've figured out another reason for my lack of writing talent!.. remember compo? hah!.. yeah, right. you can't. you werent there! anyway, probably a million times, those grading my compos told me to be more descriptive and i neve listened and now.. hah! in my face.. i'm a horrible writer. because i never honed my descriptive skills.
hey!.. describing things cant be that hard. come on! lemme try yesterday.. last night.
the smoked smell of grilled burgers filled the air as car, red, blue, green, turquoise, white and black filled the dry cracked tar parking lots. one after the other, people cued up to watch finals...
okay. i'm stopping now. because.. well its not that hard to write, but i just have to say something.. i just realized that i can use the marching band finals as a my critique review paper thing!! i went out!.. and i did something! so why ever not?
so finals.. right? they were awesome! amazing! ohh.. you want me to describe it? hmm.. i dont know..
wind beated against my face. my lips grew drier and drier as minutes passed, one after the next. "oh why do they always take so long to just say, 'laura patriquin! is the band ready?!'.. come on already!"
a joyous majestic feeling overwhelms me too greatly for me to continue.. sorry. freaking love jeux d'enfants.
so right now.. or more like the past hour that i totally wasted, i've been searching for a video of last nights show or some sort of video to post up.. but i cant find it. not even on the music boosters site! what's up with that?? is there something wrong with this computer or something?!!
back to last night.. it was phenomenal. we went on and performed it! we got four stahhhs!! all the way! straight.. right across the board! drum major.. four stahhs! music.. four! colour guard.. FOUR stahhs! percussion, four! g.e. four! and tada overall FOUR FRIGGIN STAHHHS!! whoo! perfect way to end my last season of marching band and i'm going to miss all this. i love our band and though we've had drama among us, personally i've never felt any, i love our family! and i wish i did this my freshman and sophmore year. and now jazz band is starting and whoo hoo! i'm pumped for jazz. we better play some jazzy stuff.. last years music was okay, but it wasnt as fun as sophmore year...
ah.. i love indiana jones. it really makes me sad that i'll never march that show ever again. i know theres the veteran's day parade, but i'm going to miss performing on the field. i know there's college.. but i dont know if i'll have time. and it'll never be the same as performing with this band.. our amazing and spectacular band! sigh..
