runoff / Friday, September 19, 2008
yesterday i stayed up watching good will hunting, while doing my physics homework, which i dont exactly know what to do, which is why i am now so tired, because i only had 4 and half hours of sleep and that my friends is an example of a run off sentence, which i totally do not feel like ending because this is just too much fun and i'm too tired to type a period and much rather just spell it out because i cant think very well, which is terrible because i need to wake up my brain so that i can actually think of something to write for my ap lit essay for mr furbush's class that is due on the day after my birthday, wednesday, le 24 septembre and i'm also wondering if i can type a whole post a one long running off sentence, which would probably go unread because people would most likely get a huge headache trying to read line by line by line by line, or they would die reading, without a breathe.
oh what an evil scheme that would be. if someone was able to hyptonize the world to read their runoff sentence in such a way that they forget to breathe, he would quite the killer. although it's probably easier to just hypnotize people to kill themselves huh? but then i suppose the hypnosist would be charged of some sort of degree murder for telling them to commit suicide!
now let's take a u-turn to good will hunting. what do you want? what do i want? what do i want to be? what do i want to do?
last year i thought i knew what i wanted for my.. somewhat near future, in terms of college. i know what i want to have by the time i'm 30 or in my thirties.. which oddly does not contain me being married even though i have thought of marriage. wierd or not, i think about it, but yet i dont think i'll ever have such a commitment. i wonder sometimes, do i have commitment issues? not really. i think i have trust issues.. yet not. i know i'm making no sense at all, but, well, i've got. i can trust people in terms of telling them things, but i cant trust their feelings. you know what i mean now? or maybe i just dont trust anyone all together, but i tell them things anyway. well, i lack the trust that they will stay loyal. my jie is an exception. my whole family is an exception.
but still, trust or not, i dont know what i want for college.. i've got it now..
anyway, i was supposed to be thinking about what to write for english, which had nothing to do with good will hunting. i just wanted to talk about it. but my priority was that ap lit essay. which i dont really know what to say. i'm going to stop now.
cheerio!
/Hopped!
8:20 AM
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jabberwocky / Monday, September 15, 2008
bonjour mes amis!
so i'm in study hall right now.. aka senior privilege but i'm not playing tennis. it seems like skeff maybe pissed at me or something.. or maybe he's just stressed out. i dont know. i hope he isnt mad with me or anything because everytime during study hall i always walk in and out of the band room because i keep changing my mind of what i want to do. i've stopped playing tennis during my block off so.. i dont know. i might just die.
i called my bro this morning... alright. i really need to type up something meaningful. college essays are due in three months! three months!.. yes, they'll fly by just like that! i dont know. i have some ideas of what i want to write, but i dont know how to put them together, you know what i mean? atrocious.
i'm stuck. should i drop ap english and move to lundington's class? because i want to discuss ideas and such but i dont know. switching would waste all that hardwork i spent reading malcolm x and doing that reading log. all this is actually not the meanigful things i wanted to say.
i think my mind's really slow. i want to focus on something.. but i always, always go off point. which is terrible. because essays. i need to focus on my main point. i always just miss the bigger picutre. what is the bigger picture. ugh. its so fustrating. i think if i drop out of ap eng i'm telling God that i dont trust him. because i prayed so hard to improve my writing. and by dropping out, i'm basically not going to take that ap lit exam and therefore, the lack of trust that i will do well because i dont even want to try at all.
whats also fustrating is that many a times i land myself at a dead end. where do i go from where i left off?? HOW DO I EVEN DO AN INTRODUCTION. oh my goodness.. this is absolutely horrid. i am disdgusted with myself. why cant i write? whats wrong with me? i am not a total loser. i just cant figure it out! i'm realizing that thinking about all this may actually make me panic worse than last year.. BUT I AM FREAKING OUT.
this sucks. okay.
i dont know if i should go back to the band room because right now i'm just sitting here in the library. staring at my words and having a mental panic attack.
my brain cant breathe!!this is not good. not good at all. i cant even talk myself out of this.
i want to play tennis. i hope band goes well. marching band is wierd this year. even though its just my second year. its wierd. i hope it goes well.(:
cheerio!
/Hopped!
8:12 AM
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la premiere jour / Tuesday, September 02, 2008
ouais. l'ecole est ouvrir. et je ne sais pas.. j'aime mais je n'aime pas. n'aime etre serieux et beaucoup beaucoup de l'autre choses. c'est une bien jour.. peut-etre.
i know i have better things to do than blogging right now. ugh. i suck at french man.
alright. highschool.
didnt miss the bus! so yaye! and i passed up english! yaye! havent finished calc! ohh... hmm, yeaa.
so you wanna know my official schedule?
well here it goes:
red daysstudy hall/senior priviledge/tennis baby!
concert band
ap physics
chem
white daysap lit&comp
ap calc
chem/ap physics
marine bio avec ouais, mme richman
so yeah.. tomorrow.. the first thing in the morning when i get to school.. i playin' tennis!! :D
although i shouldnt play for too long because i need to finish that summer calc assignment.. so i need to plan wisely. and i'm gonna ask mr sapuan if he's free that block t help me with my stroke and all sorts of things. i really want to try playing lefty!
so yes. i totally have better things to do.. like college essays! woot! okay. so i shouldnt be worrying so much. i need to stop all this nonsense.
its all about the voice. i think my language is pretty good. key word: i think. i dont really know. yes. its that insecurity. its absolutely hateful. i abhor it. and by the way, i suck at french too. i speak so.. broken.. up.
i need to buck up from my awful laziness. resist the temptation!!
oh and guess what!
there's only two people, including yours truly, in my ap physics class.
how
cool
is
that?
pretty sweet huh? i'm pretty excited/curious to see how things turn out. (:
i'm excited for marching band. and yea, i have to admit, i pretty excited about coming back to school.. i love to learn, but i hate just.. working. yes, that's it. working. lazy bum.. repulsive.
there are these two french? boys in my class at usm. they make me kill myself. i wish i could speak fluently, you know? its horrible.
it feels pretty disgusting right now. mostly with myself. i really need to stop talking rubbish and move on with my life. COLLEGE ESSAY..
i'm about to start on you. still thinking though.. haha (:
till next time
cheerio!
/Hopped!
4:11 PM
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