i feel like.. / Saturday, December 05, 2009
i'm losing myself. i've become so distracted from what i've come here to be. my head just feels so... confuddled? i don't even know what that means. i don't think it's a real word either.
i'm just trying to figure out how i made myself in such a stressed situation/feeling. i spent my first month here, september doing fine i guess. maybe it was all those weekends i decided to just chill. i don't know. too much chilling and now i'm paying for it with more pressure.
i don't know what i want to say anymore. i feel my spirit dying. slowly. it's like senior, but hopefully it won't be worse. no way. well, when i say spirit, i mean more of my personality. i feel like i've lost it. i don't know who i am. you know what i mean? i feel like my personality is drowning out and hiding behind someone else. i can't be straightforward. which i really hate. but not right now.
this weekend, i just need to focus on STUDYING. i need to prepare for my french oral. and i need to carefully read my psych textbook. oh and do some practice final exam for chem. it can be done and it will be done.
i just hope... it's hard to express how i'm feeling right now. maybe i'm just having an anxiety fiesta right now. whatever, i need to sleep. so. goodnight and sweet dreams.
/Hopped!
1:05 AM
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